How Does Trauma Affect a Person? Anxiety, Depression, Addiction, Eating Disorders

What Is Trauma?

As part of an initial intake at my old job, I was required to ask new clients if they had undergone any kind of trauma in their lifetime. After doing these intakes over and over again, I realized that people don’t really know what trauma is and they don’t really understand how deeply their trauma has affected them. I believe trauma is at the root of most mental health issues, so today I’ll be talking about what trauma is and how it manifests in our lives post-trauma.  

I’m sure there are tons of working definitions for trauma out there, but for today’s purposes:

Trauma is any kind of event or experience that is significantly physically or emotionally threatening or harmful.

This could include a lot of different experiences, including (but not limited to):

• Birth (both the act of giving birth and the event of being birthed)

• A medical procedure or surgery

• A divorce (for adults or for the children of the adults)

• Loss (of a job, pet, family member or friend)

• Violence (witnessing violence or being violated)

• Miscarriage

• Sexual assault

• Childhood neglect or abuse

• Psychological manipulation or coercion (through cults or religions)

• Being bullied by peers

• Being shamed by authority figures

I could go on and on, but the point is that trauma encompasses so much more than just physical or sexual abuse (which is what we usually focus on). You may not feel your dog’s death counts as a trauma, but if it significantly shook you and caused you to feel negatively about your ability to care for another living being to the point that the thought of having kids now terrifies you because if you can’t take care of a dog you sure as hell can’t take care of a kid… I would consider that a trauma. Just because something might not look like a trauma on the surface, doesn’t mean it’s not a trauma. If an event or experience in the past is causing you to act in defense and out of fear in the present, you may be acting out of a trauma.

What does it look like to be acting out of a trauma?

Anxiety as a manifestation of trauma

Anxiety is a message our body sends us to alert us about a potential threat in our environment. Anxiety says, “PAY ATTENTION, YOUR LIFE MIGHT BE AT STAKE!” When we are exposed to life-threatening situations, our body remembers this. It notes: almost got attacked (or did get attacked) while walking through sketchy neighborhood at night, will remember to avoid similar situations in the future in order to stay alive. Whatever stimuli you were exposed to in your near-death situation can then be determined by your body as potentially threatening. So in turn, that neighborhood, the smells and sounds of the night, the clothing of the attacker, etc. can be stored away in your emotional memory as potentially dangerous and worthy of an anxiety response if encountered again. This is your body trying to protect you from future threats. The problem comes when we’re exposed to life-threatening situations often. I’m sure you can imagine if you have lots of situations like these, your body will begin to believe there is threat everywhere and respond appropriately with anxiety. This may result in feeling anxious when exposed to seemingly benign stimuli such as certain materials of clothing or certain smells. These things may alert us to a real threat, but oftentimes they just happen to be a random part of the trauma scenario you endured that actually isn’t a very good predictor of threat. If it snowed on the day you were nearly shot by a mass shooter, it doesn’t mean that snow is a good predictor of threat, but your body may respond to it in such a way because of the way it is stored in your emotional memory. Enough of these memories and we will begin to see threat (and experience anxiety) everywhere.

Depression as a manifestation of trauma

Depression is also a message from our body and it says, “something’s not right here; something needs to change.” It’s an adaptive message that’s supposed to help us get to a better environment where we can thrive, but sometimes we feel helpless in our ability to do anything but accept our crumby circumstances. When we have been traumatized in any way, we feel powerless. When we have been traumatized repeatedly, this feeling is incredibly exacerbated. If you are constantly being put in situations where you are powerless, you will begin to believe that your power is small or non-existent. You will learn to accept this fact and accept your situation as it is, miserable as it may be. Believing you are powerless to change your situation renders you stuck in your depression until you gain an ounce of strength or belief in your strength to make change.

Disassociation as a manifestation of trauma

Traumatic experiences are obviously not fun, which sometimes causes people to do whatever they can to avoid thinking about them ever again. This can result in disassociation, where people become detached from themselves as a measure of protection. Children who experience chronic trauma often learn to separate from themselves during the trauma as they have no means of escape and this is often the only way they can get through the trauma. They pretend like they’re elsewhere to blunt the effects of the horrible thing they’re going through. They may be able to fully return to the person who was traumatized after the trauma is over and they believe they are safe again, but they also may go back and forth between that person and the person they disassociated to as a way to escape the memories of the trauma and return to the safety of the person who was never traumatized in the first place.

Addiction as a manifestation of trauma

Another way we see people escape the memories of a trauma is through addiction.  Drugs, sex, alcohol, work, exercise, social media, etc. can all act as a method of escape. They help get your mind off the traumatic memories and numb you from the pain temporarily. They are a safe, predictable place of comfort in a world riddled by trauma and chaos. 

Eating Disorders as a manifestation of trauma

For those who are more apt to take action and work towards changing their situation or environment, we may see eating disorders develop. Binge-eating disorder can often be a result of sexual trauma as it is theorized that the individual is unconsciously trying to make themselves less desirable and therefore more protected from another sexual assault. Anorexia and bulimia can develop in individuals who have undergone emotional trauma or bullying in an effort to make themselves smaller (maybe even invisible?) so as to not be a target for further trauma.

We’ve all experienced trauma

Trauma happens to all of us and it affects all of us differently. Your trauma may manifest in big ways or it may manifest in small ways. You may have the resources and strength to deal with your past trauma and find adaptive strategies to thrive or you may just be barely hanging on with the maladaptive coping strategies you’ve developed over the years. Wherever you’re at, I feel you. This world is harsh and none of us get through unscathed. If you’re barely hanging on, find someone to talk to or schedule an appointment with me! Nobody’s meant to go through it alone.

You Deserve To Take Up Space Whether You're _____ (Funny, Smart, Pretty, Nice) Or Not

Self-Worth: Knowing that you don’t need to earn your space

Lately I’ve been working with some amazing people who have this belief that they must earn their space in this world. They must be funny, smart, beautiful, interesting, or attached to a man to be deserving of space. They feel they’re not inherently worthy of taking up space. But if they do enough for those around them, maybe they will be allowed space. Or if they provide enough entertainment/value/wisdom, maybe they will be given space. Or if they attach themselves to someone else, maybe they can take up a small part of their space. I want to let you know right now: YOU DESERVE TO TAKE UP SPACE. No matter how funny, interesting, or smart you are or aren’t. No matter who you’re attached to. No matter what anybody else says. You do not need to earn your space.  

Self-worth: Knowing that you are good just the way you are

So, where does this belief come from? I assume it’s from the many years of being told (directly or indirectly) we’re not right, we’re not good, or we’re not enough if we don’t follow these rules [of society]. In childhood, we’re often told to suppress certain behaviors, thoughts, or feelings because they’re not acceptable to our family unit or society in general. 

Self-worth: Knowing that we don’t have to follow society’s rules

Reject the rules that say don’t talk like that because the ideas and language you’re using are unacceptable and will make people think poorly of you (and possibly result in rejection). Don’t pleasure yourself because exploring your sexuality and seeking pleasure (or space for yourself in this world) is morally wrong. Don’t eat that food because it will cause you to take up more space physically in this world, which is seen as undisciplined and greedy (therefore bad).

Self-worth: Knowing you are wholly worthy of being seen

For a child, these messages often translate into ‘certain parts of me or certain desires/passions of mine are unacceptable or unworthy of being seen.’  We as a society teach our young that certain desires, passions, identities, and interests should be avoided or hidden in order to be accepted into society. If we hide these parts of ourselves, we don’t feel totally free (and that’s a shame). But if we show them, we risk being rejected, told that we don’t belong, and feeling that we must earn our space back by following the rules more closely.

Choose freedom over confinement

If you feel at odds with yourself because you want to show more of your true self to the world but feel that this will lead to rejection, please choose the possibility of rejection over the confinement of society’s rules. You deserve to take up space simply because you exist. If someone has told you otherwise, maybe they’re trying to inhabit a space they shouldn’t be in or maybe you need to move your space elsewhere. There is space for you in this world, but maybe you just haven’t found where that space is yet. Keep looking! 

Relax and Release Tension : 15 Minute Body Scan

Mindfulness practice: body scan

I’ve mentioned body scans before in my blog posts but I haven’t found any guided body scans that I LOVE, so I decided to make my own! The body scan is great when you’re feeling disconnected from your body and just generally distracted or frazzled. It helps you connect back to the pure sensations in your body to calm you down and help you figure out what your body really needs or is feeling in the moment. Great for eating disorders as you get connected back to your hunger and fullness cues, great for anxiety as you come back to the present moment and calm yourself, great for insomnia as it can help you get to a place of relaxation... Anyways, I love body scans and I hope you do, too!

How To Support A Loved One With An Eating Disorder

Don’t give unsolicited health advice to someone struggling with an eating disorder

I’m sure you have good intentions when you give unsolicited health advice to loved ones, but I’m here to tell you, they don’t want or need this! We all get enough of this from society and the media, so let’s give each other a break. Your unsolicited advice is most likely causing more harm than good. And today I’m going to talk about some of the ways you may unintentionally be harming your loved ones and causing them to perpetuate harmful behavior patterns so that you can avoid doing this in the future. Creating an environment that promotes health can be difficult in our culture and I’m sure you’re wondering where to even start…

Stop making comments about weight/body size

If you make a comment insinuating your loved one need to lose weight, this can obviously cause them to spiral into unhealthy patterns of behavior with eating and exercise, as well as unhealthy patterns of thinking with body shame and eating guilt. But it works the other way, as well. If you make a comment about how great your loved one looks now that they’ve lost weight, that encourages them to continue with whatever patterns of behavior and thinking it took for them to get there. You might not think this is harmful, but you don’t know what’s going on for them. Maybe they lost the weight because they got sick for a couple weeks and couldn’t eat normally. Or they tried out a new fad diet that cut out food groups they enjoy and which isn’t really sustainable long-term for them. Or they started a crazy new workout regimen that causes them to feel tired and sore all the time. Or they developed an eating disorder. The point is, you don’t know what’s going on for them! You don’t know why they lost weight. It could be that they are practicing much unhealthier behavior than what they were practicing before (at their heavier weight) and you making a comment about their weight reinforces the idea that they should continue to practice these unhealthier behavior and thought patterns to try to maintain this new body size.

Stop making comments about appearance in general

We are so much more than our bodies. We focus so much on the way we look, but we are not decorative objects and we were not put on this earth to look pretty! We need to stop objectifying ourselves and others by refraining from comments about appearance. Besides, how much better does it feel to be affirmed for your personality or intelligence?! Compliments about internal qualities that we can cultivate and change are much more meaningful than compliments about external qualities that we don’t have much control over (our appearance and our body size). Our bodies will always be changing and we don’t have a whole lot of control over the ways they change. If we could channel the energy we put towards changing our bodies into energy to change our minds, we could be living much more fulfilling lives. By focusing on the things we don’t have much control over (and don’t matter much), we distract ourselves from focusing on the things we do have control over (and that really matter)! Encourage your loved ones by focusing on and admiring the qualities that truly make them who they are- their strength, resilience, intelligence, kindness, etc. See how different it feels for you. Start giving yourself compliments on your inner qualities and see how that feels. Appreciate your loved one’s body for being the house to the incredible spirit inside. Thank your own body for housing your own incredible spirit. Focus on further cultivating what’s within. You’ll notice it feels a lot better to focus on the things you can change rather than dwelling on the things you cannot.

Stop insinuating that health can be determined by size

To support your loved one and create a better culture for those who struggle with food and their body, educate yourself and investigate your beliefs around health and fat. If you believe that healthy=thin and unhealthy=fat, do a little soul-searching. What’s going on there to make you believe this and where does this belief come from? Has the media or culture manipulated you into believing that you must be thin to be healthy in order to make a profit off you? We live in a world that has told us we are unhealthy if we weigh a certain amount or eat a certain way, but health is far more than what we put into our bodies and weight does not determine health. There are far better health predictors than weight. If you’re not on board with this, read Health at Every Size to change your mind.

Dig in to any other beliefs you have around fat

Do you believe fat=lazy, stupid, gross, or morally inferior? Are you scared that if you’re fat or if you become fat, that would mean you are all of those things? Break down those beliefs, baby! Fat doesn’t mean any of these things! It’s perfectly okay to have fat on your body and fat does not mean that you are lazy or unintelligent or undisciplined. Fat means that your body is doing it’s job and fighting to keep you alive and thriving by taking in as much energy as it can. Fat means you are doing your best to take care of yourself. Maybe your body needs to be a bigger size to feel healthy and safe. Or maybe eating is the best way you know to cope with life. There’s nothing wrong with this, you’re doing the best you can with the tools you’ve got! It’s nobody’s business how you take care of yourself and it’s not your business how other people take care of themselves. We need to stop insinuating that people are inferior if they don’t fit our idea of health or beauty. You don’t insinuate that someone is less than if they aren’t getting adequate sleep or if they’re not addressing their social needs, so why would you judge someone as less than because of the way they address their nutritional needs? We’re all doing the best we can to take care of our bodies the best way we know how. Practice empathy with others (and yourself!) as you recognize that everyone is doing the best they can to address all their bodies’ needs.

Stop making comments about the food your loved one is putting into their body

Their body, their choice. People are so much more than their food choices, so please stop doing this. If they’re eating foods that don’t nourish them physically or mentally, they’re already feeling it, so no need to add to this. If they’re eating foods that nourish their bodies physically and mentally, wonderful! Either way, you shouldn’t have anything to say about it.

Stop commenting on the amount of movement they’re getting in their day

Same thing with the amount of movement your loved one is getting in their day. Our bodies want to move, but not when movement is a punishment for our food choices or a chore we have to do to maintain a certain body size. Help your loved one connect with joyful movement and find ways they like to move their body; don’t encourage exercise that feels like a punishment or a chore. We need a healthy relationship with movement and we’ll never get this when we associate it with weight management.

Improve your own body image

Lastly, stop degrading and hating on bodies (others and your own)! When you fully accept your own body, you stop criticizing or wanting to change others bodies as well. Your body is wonderful and allows you to have fantastic experiences throughout this world. It doesn’t need to be a certain size to have wonderful experiences and there’s no need to struggle against it because of the way it looks on the outside. The more we hate on our own bodies and others’ bodies, the more distracted we are from the things that really matter in our lives. Accept that bodies are diverse and are not meant to look the same. Accept the body you’ve been given and live happily in that body because it’s the only one you’ve got and it’s doing it’s best to keep you alive and thriving!

If you have further questions about how to best support a loved one with an eating disorder or would like to schedule a therapy appointment with me to process through any of this, contact me!

Are Your Eating Habits Disordered?

Healthy eating habits:

• Eating when you’re hungry

• Noticing how foods make you feel and eating foods that help your body feel good

• Eating foods you enjoy

• Feeling calm about the eating experience

• Eating a variety of foods to satisfy your mental and physical needs

• Listening to your body for cues on what to eat, when to eat, and how much to eat

• Eating for enjoyment and nutrition

• Eating until you’re satisfied

Unhealthy eating habits:

• Not eating when you’re hungry

• Labeling or judging certain foods or food groups as ‘bad’ or ‘unhealthy’

• Restricting foods you enjoy for non-medical reasons

• Feeling anxious about the eating experience

• Eating foods you don’t enjoy as punishment or in the name of health

• Counting calories, macros, grams of fat or sugar; weighing food

• Using food as a reward

• Eating to the point of discomfort frequently

Disordered eating is common and sometimes seen as normal in our society

I wanted to create this list to promote awareness around what disordered eating looks like. You may want to push back on some of the things you see on the list of ‘unhealthy eating habits’ and that’s okay. You learn a lot of your eating habits in childhood and challenging these can be difficult for a lot of reasons (Does this mean my parents were wrong in telling me certain foods were bad and should be avoided? I’ve been taught to trust outside sources for what I need, could I really trust myself for that wisdom? Surely if I trusted my body, I’d be eating pizza and ice cream for the rest of my days like Dad always joked about, right?) Learning to make peace with food is difficult and can require a lot of work.

Disordered eating usually starts with a person going on a diet

Sometimes suggested at the advice of a well-intentioned friend, family member, or health professional. Maybe they lose a little weight and are praised. This can turn into constant restricting, which often leads to bingeing (and sometimes purging). Purging is the one behavior that everyone can recognize as disordered. If you do this, you know your eating is disordered in some way. But other disordered behaviors are a little sneakier. If you restrict all the time, you can rationalize it in your mind by saying you’re on a diet or are just very careful about your eating. If you binge all the time, you can rationalize it by saying you’re just an emotional eater going through a rough patch. Regardless of how you spin it in your mind, it’s still not healthy!

Disordered eating is encouraged by diet culture

A lot of us hang on to disordered eating habits because they feel safe and we feel supported in them. Our culture is a big supporter of disordered eating habits.. Fasting is in right now and I’ve seen people doing up to 22 hour fasts daily without thinking this was at all disordered. Ignoring your body’s cues and needs for hunger is not healthy! I get that our bodies can survive through long periods of famine, but this does not mean we should subject our bodies to long periods of famine unnecessarily. If fasting works for you, great! But I would challenge you to really ask yourself if it’s working for you. Are you really getting the nutrients you need to get you through the day feeling awesome?

‘Healthy eating’ isn’t just about the foods you put into your body

If your constantly anxious or fearful around certain foods, this is not healthy! Health is not just physical. If you don’t take into account your mental health when considering your eating habits, you’re missing a big part of the picture. You may be the world’s most self-controlled person and only put ‘clean’ unprocessed, whole food into your body. Wonderful, round of applause for you. How do you feel mentally? Do you feel like you’re missing out on life and fun because of it? If you do, what’s the deal with all the restriction? Chances are, if you’re restricting certain foods because you think they’re ‘bad’ and are going to ruin your health, you’re restricting in other areas of your life, as well. Where else might you be restricting yourself from enjoyment and pleasure? And why?! Life isn’t meant for suffering and restricting!

Healthy eating is trusting your body

It can be difficult to trust your body and make peace with food. We are taught to trust others for nutritional advice or general health advice because we’ve been taught that others know better than we do. Eating shouldn’t be hard, though; we’ve been doing it since the beginning of time without dietitians or health experts. We have greatly overcomplicated eating, but it doesn’t have to be this way! Our bodies are wise and know what we need. Tune in to your body and give it what it needs.

If you need extra support, contact me to schedule a counseling appointment!

How Can Mindfulness Help With Eating Disorders?

Eating Disorders are rooted in disconnection from the body

So at this point, you might be sick of me harping on mindfulness and how it can be helpful for whatever you’re going through… but I truly believe it can! Today I’m going to be talking about a few mindfulness practices that can be especially helpful for eating disorders. Eating disorders are rooted in a disconnection from the body and appetite, so mindfulness can help get us back into connection with these things and can help us get curious about why we’ve gotten out of connection with these things in the first place.

With eating disorders and disordered eating, we tend to ignore our bodies’ messages to us. Our bodies tell us we’re hungry and we tell them not now. Our bodies tell us we’re satisfied but we tell them not yet. Our bodies tell us we need to rest but we tell them to push through the workout. Constantly ignoring your body’s messages will get you to a point where you start to lose connection with your body’s messages. You might even lose your ability to recognize your body’s hunger and fullness cues.

Mindfulness Practice 1: Body scan to connect back to the body

One great way to get connected back to your body is through a body scan. A body scan is a practice where you move your awareness from the top of your body down to the bottom (or vice versa), focusing on different parts of the body and observing what’s going on in each part of the body without attaching any meaning or judgment to what you experience. It’s easy to move to judging the different parts of your body and the sensations you feel in your body, but with a body scan, you simply observe what’s happening and get curious about it. There’s plenty of body scan scripts and videos you can find online, but check out my guided body scan here. When you can recognize how your body feels and get curious about what this might mean, you can gain greater awareness around what it needs and what it might be lacking.

Mindfulness Practice 2: Mindful Eating or Intuitive Eating

Another helpful practice for eating disorders is mindful/intuitive eating. Read more about mindful and intuitive eating. Practicing intuitive eating and mindfulness around your food habits can help you recognize and challenge some of the disordered thoughts and behaviors you might have around food and your body. It will also help you to gain awareness around how certain foods make you feel and what your body actually needs from you to thrive. If you can put this information to use, you can feel so much better in the body you’re in, whatever size it may be!

Mindfulness Practice 3: Journaling about beliefs around food and body

Journaling can be super helpful for raising awareness around our deep-rooted beliefs. I encourage everyone who is struggling with disordered eating or an eating disorder to dig in to some of their beliefs around food and their body. Journal about your beliefs around food; what does it mean if you eat certain foods? Journal about your beliefs around your body; what would it mean if you were in a smaller or larger body than the one you’re in now? Write down any memories or thoughts that come up in relation to these beliefs and figure out where they came from. Then challenge them! Are they true? Does eating a certain food make you unwise or unhealthy or gross? Does gaining weight make you unlovable or unattractive? What makes it so hard for you to give up these beliefs?! Processing through this is tough, but it can be so rewarding in your relationship with food and your body!

There can be a lot to process around these things since eating is something you’ve been doing your whole life and your body is somewhere you’ve been living your whole life. If you need extra support processing through these things, book a counseling appointment with me!

How You Can Improve Your Body Image : Body Positivity | Health At Every Size

How can you improve your body image?

I know we’ve all been taught to believe that losing weight or achieving a thin figure will help us to FINALLY love our bodies… but it won’t. Loving our bodies is an action we choose and if restricting and shaming our bodies are the actions we’re choosing, we are not loving our bodies. The thin ideal our culture promotes is an unhealthy, unrealistic body size that pits us against our own bodies. Just like it feels good to have a little extra money in savings in case of emergency, our bodies like to have a little extra energy (or fat) stored away in case of emergency (famine). Our bodies have learned to do this to keep us alive and this is a biological advantage.

People are profiting off your belief that your body is not good the way it is

But culture wants us to believe that thin is good, thin is healthy, and thin is beautiful. It hasn’t always been this way, though! Throughout most of history, larger bodies have been considered more desirable than thinner ones. In some cultures today, larger bodies are still more desirable than thinner bodies. Linda Bacon, author of Health at Every Size, says, “beauty standards reflect the political and economic interests of the times” and goes on to talk about how thin women were sold pills, creams, and potions that were supposed to help them get fatter in the early 1900s. Whatever can flip a profit is in. And you better believe that people are profiting big time off of your insecurities around your body (food companies, weight loss industry, pharmaceutical companies, health professionals, etc.).

Extra fat on your body doesn’t mean you’re unhealthy

But what about health?! I know we’ve all come to believe that we can determine someone’s health and their health habits by looking at them, but it just isn’t true! We know that there are thin people who are super unhealthy and larger people who don’t have any health issues, so why do we still latch on to the idea that weight = health? Probably because it makes us feel like we’re in control, but PLEASE READ HEALTH AT EVERY SIZE so you can understand that this simply isn’t true. Too little fat on your body is much more dangerous and unhealthy than too much. And BMI standards were set by people who receive funding from companies like Weight Watchers who are making a profit off of you thinking you’re unhealthy and need to lose weight!!

Improve body image by listening to your body

Okay, I think you get how angry I am about the diet and weight loss industry tricking us into hating our bodies and believing that we need to change them in the name of health. And I hope you’re angry, too. You don’t need to change your body. You need to change the way you feel about your body. Your body works hard for you and it’s about time you show it some appreciation. It needs love to thrive and your struggle against it and hatred of it is not conducive to it’s thriving. Listen to it and work with it. If it tells you it needs food, you need to give it food. If it tells you it need rest, give it rest. If it tells you to move, move joyfully.

Our bodies tell us what they need but oftentimes we think we know best (or culture knows best) so we try to override or ignore our bodies’ messages. We make rules for food or exercise or sleep or whatever else because we don’t trust our bodies. I know I’m sore, but I’ve got to get this workout in. I know I’m still hungry, but I’ve already had 2000 calories today. I know I’m tired, but I don’t have time to rest. Your body is wise and you do it a great disservice when you assume you know better about it’s needs than it does. It’s needs are constantly changing day to day and the only way to know exactly what it needs today is to listen to it!

Improve body image by showing love to your body

Start to love your body by listening to it. Start to love your body by giving it what it needs. Stop killing yourself at the gym and starving yourself at the dinner table. Loving your body isn’t all about loving the way it looks. You may never love the way it looks. But you can love the way it feels and the way you feel in it. You can love it for what it does for you, how it enables you to experience amazing things, and for the way it fights to keep you alive.

Your body is deserving of love no matter what size it is. Stop struggling against it and trust that it knows best when it comes to what it needs. Practice eating nutritiously, joyfully moving, and resting when your body tells you to for the sake of health. Stop trying to lose weight in the name of health. Acknowledge what’s under your fear of gaining weight or being in a larger body. Remember that you are worthy regardless of what size or shape your body is currently taking.

Read Health at Every Size or book an appointment with me to dive further in to your body image issues.

What is Intuitive Eating? 10 Steps to Mindful & Intuitive Eating

Ditching diet culture

It’s so difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with food in our culture where dieting is the norm and avoiding certain foods is seen as a good or wise thing to do. We’re taught to feel shame if we indulge in certain foods and learn to resent the bodies we have because of our indulgences. We listen to how culture tells us to eat rather than listening to our bodies because we don’t trust that we know what we need. We restrict ourselves from certain foods, set goals for our food intake, and then berate ourselves when we eat the food we promised ourselves we’d stay away from. This is diet culture and it’s super toxic.

We need food and eating food makes us feel good but somehow we’ve demonized food in our culture. There are certain foods that are bad and you should feel guilty if you eat them. To that I’d say if you stole the food you feel guilty about eating, I’ll allow you to feel guilty. Otherwise, the guilt is a little unnecessary don’t you think?

There’s no reason to feel guilty about something you ate. If you ate it and it made you feel bad physically, you’re already suffering enough. If you ate it and it made you feel good physically, your body is happy with the sacrifice you’ve given it and there’s no reason to feel bad. When we can practice mindfulness around how the food we eat affects our body, we are better able to fuel our body so it can help us meet our needs.

What is mindful eating?

I think people complicate the term mindfulness; think of mindfulness simply as being aware and intentional. You’re eating an orange? Mindful eating would require you to be aware of the orange: it’s flavor, texture, and smell. It would require you to think about the orange’s journey to you and all the hands required to get the food into your body: the farmer, the shipper, the grocery store worker. You would practice gratitude for those hands and for the food itself. You would think about how the food will nourish you and enable you to do the things you love. You would not label the orange as good or bad and you would not judge yourself as good or bad for eating the orange. You would chew slowly and savor the flavor. You would stop eating when your body tells you to, not when the portion you served yourself is gone. Those are the basics: practicing awareness and gratitude around food, thinking about the source and purpose of food, not judging the experience of eating, and listening to your body in regards to it’s needs for food.

What is intuitive eating?

Intuitive eating incorporates mindfulness into it’s principles but also focuses heavily on ditching diet culture and cultivating respect for your body. The focus of intuitive eating is in transforming your relationship with food and your body as our culture often causes our relationship to these things to be pretty poor.

10 Steps to Mindful & Intuitive Eating

Eat when you’re hungry

Hunger is the body’s way of telling us that we’re lacking sustenance. If you try to fight off hunger, you will end up at the refrigerator at midnight gorging on whatever you can get your hands on because your body will be in famine mode. Your body is just trying to survive and hunger is it’s way of letting you know it needs something more than you’re giving it!

Honor your feelings without using food

A lot of times we eat for reasons other than hunger, so we have to learn how to stop chewing our worries and pain. Ask yourself why you’re turning to food and what purpose it’s serving for you. Are you eating because you’re bored? Sad? Angry? Stressed? Food might not be the best way to deal with these emotions; take action to really address your body’s messages of discomfort/pain rather than distracting your body with temporary pleasure.

Respect and practice gratitude for your food

Think about where it came from and how it got to your plate. Acknowledge all the hands it took to bring this nourishment to your body. Remind yourself that it’s a privilege to have access to an abundance of food and respect food for the miracle that it is.

Set the table before eating

Okay, so you don’t actually need to set the table, but you do need to metaphorically set the table.  Make time for the meal. Sit down to eat. Relax. Breathe. Get yourself in the right headspace to properly experience the meal.

Enjoy your food!

Don’t be thinking about the ten thousand other things going on in your life and don’t allow any outside distractions (phone, TV, work) while eating. Think about the food you’re putting into your mouth. You have to eat, so you might as well enjoy it!

Eat slowly

Chew your food and put your utensils down between bites. Notice how your body changes with each bite. Pay attention to how your body responds to different foods. Recognize when your body has had enough.

Respect your body!

Give it what it needs! And stop giving it what it doesn’t need! Listen to what it’s telling you and respond appropriately. If your body tells you it needs more of something (food, exercise, rest, etc.), give it that! If it tells you it’s had enough, honor that! Your body is not a machine and it’s needs are always changing. Honor your body and it’s needs.

Eat (mostly) for nourishment

Food is nourishment for your body. Think about what foods give your mind and body the energy and strength they need to thrive and choose food based on these factors. 

But stop labeling and judging your food

If a food makes you feel good physically and mentally, stop labeling it as bad! When we set certain foods or food groups as off-limits and restrict our access to them, this makes us want them more! When we allow ourselves to freely eat the foods that make us feel good, we’ll stop gorging on ‘restricted’ food.

And please stop labeling and judging your eating habits as good or bad

We must get out of the diet mentality and stop judging our ‘performance’ around food. If you want to indulge in dessert, do it! This doesn’t make you bad and it isn’t a moral failure. If you continue to judge your eating habits as good or bad, you will continue the cycle of guilt and shame you feel after indulging or eating a ‘forbidden food’.

Interested in starting therapy to begin healing your relationship with food and your body? Shoot me an email or book an appointment with me. Know somebody else who could benefit from this information? Send it to them!