Imposter Syndrome : Anxiety and Doubt About New Roles

What is imposter syndrome?

Have you ever taken on a new role that felt beyond your skill set? Maybe it was a new role in your family (stepping into parenthood or becoming a caretaker for an elderly parent) or a new role at work (getting a promotion, changing jobs, starting your own business). If you felt like you weren’t good enough to fulfill this new role you were given, you experienced imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is when we doubt our skills and abilities and feel undeserving of the roles we have. We fear that others will find out how inadequate we are and we often can feel lots of anxiety as a result.

Who struggles with imposter syndrome?

Not everybody struggles with imposter syndrome, but I’ll tell you a little secret about those who do… those people are the ones doing risky things. They’re trying things that feel a little scary and they’re putting themselves out there for potential rejection or failure. They’re taking a step out of their comfort zone and into their growth zone. They’re choosing to not be stagnant because they know there’s a lot to learn and they want to learn so they can be better.

What does it mean if I struggle with imposter syndrome?

You are taking a risk

If you struggle with imposter syndrome, I’d like to take a second to congratulate you for doing something that feels scary. You don’t feel like a fraud when you’re doing something you’re good at or something you’ve done a million times before. You feel like a fraud when you’re doing something new and difficult. So good on you for stepping up to the plate and trying something new and difficult.

You are learning

You feel like a fraud because you know you don’t know everything. But neither does anybody else! It’s easy to feel inadequate when you think about all the growth/learning that lies ahead, but don’t forget about the growth/learning that you’ve already been through to get where you are today!

You are comparing

It’s easy to feel inadequate when you compare yourself to people who have experience in the role you’re in. Of course you’re going to feel like you’re terrible at your new job when you compare your work to the work of your coworker who’s been doing the job for three decades. You can’t compare apples to oranges.

What can I do to combat imposter syndrome?

Acknowledge your strength

Congratulate yourself for stepping up to the challenge and doing something hard. Remind yourself of the strength it takes to step out of your comfort zone. Make a list of all the other strengths you have that equip you for your role. Give yourself credit for the things you’re good at. Acknowledge all the learning you’ve done to get you where you are today (school, reading, classes, inner work, etc.).

Compare yourself fairly

If you are going to compare yourself, compare yourself fairly. Compare yourself to the community at large. I bet if you’re a new mother, you know a lot more about motherhood than I do because I’ve never had a child. I bet if you’re a lawyer, you know a lot more about law than I’ll ever know because I’ve never been to law school. Even if you feel like you’re the worst at whatever you’re doing, remember that you probably have a lot more skills and experience to handle what you’ve got in front of you than the average person. There is a reason you’re in the position you’re in and you can’t forget that!

Talk it out

If you talk to other people who have been where you’re at today, they almost certainly felt the same way you do right now. Imposter syndrome is super normal and most people feel it at some point when they’re trying new things that are hard. Voice your doubt and insecurity to friends, family members, or mentors you can trust. They’ll most likely tell you they felt the same way you did when they were starting out. It’s normal. Nobody expects you to be perfect or to know everything when you’re starting out, so stop expecting that of yourself. Give yourself some grace.

Imposter syndrome can be extra difficult for people struggling with anxiety or those who have tendencies towards perfectionism. If you need extra help dealing with any of these things, schedule a counseling appointment today. 

How Does Trauma Affect a Person? Anxiety, Depression, Addiction, Eating Disorders

What Is Trauma?

As part of an initial intake at my old job, I was required to ask new clients if they had undergone any kind of trauma in their lifetime. After doing these intakes over and over again, I realized that people don’t really know what trauma is and they don’t really understand how deeply their trauma has affected them. I believe trauma is at the root of most mental health issues, so today I’ll be talking about what trauma is and how it manifests in our lives post-trauma.  

I’m sure there are tons of working definitions for trauma out there, but for today’s purposes:

Trauma is any kind of event or experience that is significantly physically or emotionally threatening or harmful.

This could include a lot of different experiences, including (but not limited to):

• Birth (both the act of giving birth and the event of being birthed)

• A medical procedure or surgery

• A divorce (for adults or for the children of the adults)

• Loss (of a job, pet, family member or friend)

• Violence (witnessing violence or being violated)

• Miscarriage

• Sexual assault

• Childhood neglect or abuse

• Psychological manipulation or coercion (through cults or religions)

• Being bullied by peers

• Being shamed by authority figures

I could go on and on, but the point is that trauma encompasses so much more than just physical or sexual abuse (which is what we usually focus on). You may not feel your dog’s death counts as a trauma, but if it significantly shook you and caused you to feel negatively about your ability to care for another living being to the point that the thought of having kids now terrifies you because if you can’t take care of a dog you sure as hell can’t take care of a kid… I would consider that a trauma. Just because something might not look like a trauma on the surface, doesn’t mean it’s not a trauma. If an event or experience in the past is causing you to act in defense and out of fear in the present, you may be acting out of a trauma.

What does it look like to be acting out of a trauma?

Anxiety as a manifestation of trauma

Anxiety is a message our body sends us to alert us about a potential threat in our environment. Anxiety says, “PAY ATTENTION, YOUR LIFE MIGHT BE AT STAKE!” When we are exposed to life-threatening situations, our body remembers this. It notes: almost got attacked (or did get attacked) while walking through sketchy neighborhood at night, will remember to avoid similar situations in the future in order to stay alive. Whatever stimuli you were exposed to in your near-death situation can then be determined by your body as potentially threatening. So in turn, that neighborhood, the smells and sounds of the night, the clothing of the attacker, etc. can be stored away in your emotional memory as potentially dangerous and worthy of an anxiety response if encountered again. This is your body trying to protect you from future threats. The problem comes when we’re exposed to life-threatening situations often. I’m sure you can imagine if you have lots of situations like these, your body will begin to believe there is threat everywhere and respond appropriately with anxiety. This may result in feeling anxious when exposed to seemingly benign stimuli such as certain materials of clothing or certain smells. These things may alert us to a real threat, but oftentimes they just happen to be a random part of the trauma scenario you endured that actually isn’t a very good predictor of threat. If it snowed on the day you were nearly shot by a mass shooter, it doesn’t mean that snow is a good predictor of threat, but your body may respond to it in such a way because of the way it is stored in your emotional memory. Enough of these memories and we will begin to see threat (and experience anxiety) everywhere.

Depression as a manifestation of trauma

Depression is also a message from our body and it says, “something’s not right here; something needs to change.” It’s an adaptive message that’s supposed to help us get to a better environment where we can thrive, but sometimes we feel helpless in our ability to do anything but accept our crumby circumstances. When we have been traumatized in any way, we feel powerless. When we have been traumatized repeatedly, this feeling is incredibly exacerbated. If you are constantly being put in situations where you are powerless, you will begin to believe that your power is small or non-existent. You will learn to accept this fact and accept your situation as it is, miserable as it may be. Believing you are powerless to change your situation renders you stuck in your depression until you gain an ounce of strength or belief in your strength to make change.

Disassociation as a manifestation of trauma

Traumatic experiences are obviously not fun, which sometimes causes people to do whatever they can to avoid thinking about them ever again. This can result in disassociation, where people become detached from themselves as a measure of protection. Children who experience chronic trauma often learn to separate from themselves during the trauma as they have no means of escape and this is often the only way they can get through the trauma. They pretend like they’re elsewhere to blunt the effects of the horrible thing they’re going through. They may be able to fully return to the person who was traumatized after the trauma is over and they believe they are safe again, but they also may go back and forth between that person and the person they disassociated to as a way to escape the memories of the trauma and return to the safety of the person who was never traumatized in the first place.

Addiction as a manifestation of trauma

Another way we see people escape the memories of a trauma is through addiction.  Drugs, sex, alcohol, work, exercise, social media, etc. can all act as a method of escape. They help get your mind off the traumatic memories and numb you from the pain temporarily. They are a safe, predictable place of comfort in a world riddled by trauma and chaos. 

Eating Disorders as a manifestation of trauma

For those who are more apt to take action and work towards changing their situation or environment, we may see eating disorders develop. Binge-eating disorder can often be a result of sexual trauma as it is theorized that the individual is unconsciously trying to make themselves less desirable and therefore more protected from another sexual assault. Anorexia and bulimia can develop in individuals who have undergone emotional trauma or bullying in an effort to make themselves smaller (maybe even invisible?) so as to not be a target for further trauma.

We’ve all experienced trauma

Trauma happens to all of us and it affects all of us differently. Your trauma may manifest in big ways or it may manifest in small ways. You may have the resources and strength to deal with your past trauma and find adaptive strategies to thrive or you may just be barely hanging on with the maladaptive coping strategies you’ve developed over the years. Wherever you’re at, I feel you. This world is harsh and none of us get through unscathed. If you’re barely hanging on, find someone to talk to or schedule an appointment with me! Nobody’s meant to go through it alone.

Productivity Anxiety : It’s Okay To Relax

What is your experience in stillness like?

Finish this sentence: If I spend all day not being productive, I’m _______. For me, it’s ‘wasting my time’. For others, it’s ‘a lazy piece of shit’. For some, it’s ‘heaven’. I don’t know what it is for you, but the idea of productivity has been coming up a lot lately, so I wanted to spend some time talking about it.

We need rest to be productive

We live in a very goal-oriented society that runs on busyness and productivity. Nothing inherently wrong with productivity, I think it can make us feel great and move us towards a better life oftentimes. But with anything, moderation is key. When we become obsessive about productivity, that’s when it becomes a problem. We can’t always be productive because we need rest to be productive. We can’t be productive without rest; we need both in tandem. So if you struggle with allowing yourself to rest, let’s reframe rest as an essential part of productivity. Rest is helping you get on your way to being productive.

Think about how productive you are on little sleep… not very productive, right? You’re distracted, you’re exhausted, you’re stretched for resources. But for some reason it seems different when it comes to other restful activities. Allowing ourselves to take a twenty minute stretch break, an hour to walk through the park, ten minutes to practice meditation, or five minutes to play with our dog may seem frivolous or unhelpful towards our goals for productivity, but just like you need sleep to do anything remotely productive, you also need restful things throughout your day to help your brain and body be in the right state to move towards anything productive.

An inability to rest leads to stress, frustration, and anxiety

Otherwise, you’re most likely going to be stressed, frustrated, and anxious as fuck all day trying to go from one ‘productive activity’ to the next without any rest. That’s how I get anyways. I love to-do lists and I think they really help me stay focused/be productive, but sometimes I feel like my life turns into one big productivity checklist and I can’t rest until everything has been checked off the list. I move from one productive task to the next and tell myself I’ll rest or do something fun when I get done with all of it. If I can just finish everything on the list today, I’ll rest tomorrow. But I know the list will never be completed, there will always be more productive things to accomplish, and life is not a checklist. I still stand by to-do lists because otherwise I’d forget everything important that I need to do, but to-do lists don’t need a due date. You’ll get to them when you get to them.

Practicing mindfulness around what we’re doing can lead to restful productivity

To-do lists often feel like ‘have-to-do’ rather than ‘get-to-do’ lists. Imagine reframing: I have to do the laundry, mop the floors, water the garden, grocery shop, and meal prep today to I get to do the laundry, mop the floors, water the garden. grocery shop, and meal prep today. How can you reframe it in your mind but also how can you physically reframe the activity? Reframe these things in your mind by practicing gratitude for the responsibilities and privileges you are afforded (i.e. a house, a garden, the ability to buy and cook food, etc.). Reframe these things physically by making them more fun and restful. It’s hard to enjoy folding laundry or mopping floors when you’re rushing through these activities just trying to get through your checklist. It’s easier to enjoy folding laundry or mopping floors if you’ve got some music jamming in the background and allow yourself to dance around while you clean things up. It’s hard to enjoy watering your garden when you’re focused on all the things you need to get done after you water your garden. It’s easier to enjoy watering your garden when you allow yourself to be immersed in it’s beauty and stop to linger at the new life you see. It’s hard to enjoy grocery shopping and meal prepping when we feel stretched for time to do these things. It’s easier to enjoy grocery shopping and meal prepping when we give ourselves the time we need to do these things.

Productivity anxiety saps our energy, creativity, and spontaneity

Life isn’t a checklist and life doesn’t need to be rushed through. Sure, maybe you save 5 minutes here or there by rushing through folding laundry or hustling through the grocery store. Amazing, maybe you have 15 more minutes at night that you can use to zone out to Netflix with (since you’re clearly too exhausted and stretched to do anything but mind-numb at the end of the day). Making life a to-do list and rushing through this to-do list saps our energy, our creativity, and our spontaneity. It leaves us with nothing at the end of the day except a feeling of mild accomplishment and major exhaustion. Slowing down, reframing our ‘have-to-do’s’ to ‘get-to-do’s’, and allowing room for fun and creativity in our day is essential to quieting our anxious minds. It’s okay to relax. Relaxing is not a waste of time. Relaxing does not make you a lazy piece of shit. It makes you healthy and calm and more fun to be around. Give yourself a break from the productivity anxiety and find ways to add rest to every part of your day.

Struggling with more anxious thoughts than you can handle on your own? Schedule a counseling appointment with me to talk it out!

Relax and Release Tension : 15 Minute Body Scan

Mindfulness practice: body scan

I’ve mentioned body scans before in my blog posts but I haven’t found any guided body scans that I LOVE, so I decided to make my own! The body scan is great when you’re feeling disconnected from your body and just generally distracted or frazzled. It helps you connect back to the pure sensations in your body to calm you down and help you figure out what your body really needs or is feeling in the moment. Great for eating disorders as you get connected back to your hunger and fullness cues, great for anxiety as you come back to the present moment and calm yourself, great for insomnia as it can help you get to a place of relaxation... Anyways, I love body scans and I hope you do, too!